I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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