so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
