walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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