Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
that is very illegal...i love you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
