benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
