in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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