3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
