My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
