so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
