What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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