She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
