Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
