Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
