I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
