Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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