For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
