you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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