So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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