What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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