Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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