Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
