He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
