I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
should my penis look like a turkey
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize