I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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