One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
