I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize