Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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