I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
