The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
