sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
