Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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