I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
