Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize