My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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