I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
