Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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