K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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