I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
