Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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