my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found puke in my bra..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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