actually, I'm a sock model
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
