my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
