She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
