My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
