Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
