Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
