i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
