I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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