My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
