need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
