sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
