Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
