there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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