atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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