its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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