I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
