I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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