don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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