i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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