he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
