He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize