You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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