I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
