apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
