My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
