Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
