shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
