never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
