I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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