3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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