Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
