It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
